Faith: The Great Pain

I've heard it said that faith is the confident assurance of things not seen, but I say faith is a huge pain. It's great when it gives you hope to carry on and such, but as I am seeing lately, faith is a large hurdle. For years I have been telling myself the same pie-in-the-sky answers: God will turn my sorrow, my pain, into a reward; it will all be worth it all. I'm not saying that I don't trust God, because I do (I am compelled to do so). What I'm saying is that there comes a point when faith isn't just comfort during hard times, it can turn into a hard time all on its own. But I stubbornly hold onto the confident assurance that one day, I will be redeemed for my spiritual pain. Faith will eventually turn into a bonafide symbol of painful growth, but growth nonetheless. It sounds almost oxymoronic -- faith is supposed to edify and be good and fun. Yet the faith that God most desires (see Hebrews 11) is the kind that is filled with this paradoxical trust in him, categorized by wrestling with angels and trusting prostitutes to provide shelter. It doesn't always turn out the way you want, which is ultimately the best for mankind.

One of the few times that I am certain that God has given me a vision occurred my freshman year in college. I had one hell of a year -- I literally mean that the year will always be characterized by its hellishness. Believe me when I say that it was not a good place to be. But one Friday night I was praying as my roomate slept. I began to see a dream-like thing -- a vision. I was standing on one section of grass atop a large cliff, when suddenly I was made aware of the beautiful valley below. I saw the whole picture, despite the fact that I was still on this one piece of earth. All I had to do to see the entire valley was to look up, to change my perspective. I knew then exactly what that meant.

As time goes on and each day passes, I forget about this revelation when I'm irritated with the Lord. I can only see the present and it makes no sense. However, I must adopt the viewpoint that looks at my current situation as merely a puzzle piece of a large, elaborate work of art. Many of the guys listed in Hebrews 11 did not live to see their faith promises come to fruition, but God still counted them righteous for their faith. These people weren't just happy-go-lucky believers, they fought and struggled with God's promises and even tried to make his will come true through their own ideas and actions (with disastrous results, of course). This can give me strength to know that I am not forgotten. What God has said would come true will come true, I must endure, even if it means not ever getting to see the fruits of my labor. That is the nature of the kind of faith that God most desires. Just look at Abraham and Sarah, the once-childless elders who were told would be the ancestors of many nations. It came to pass, but was not filled with easy trust along the way.

Faith's not easy, but it's God's only way.