My Black Friday Adventure

Black Friday has always seemed like something cool, but I've always envied others for doing it. I know it doesn't make sense why I've never participated in these said events if I think it'd be so cool, but it's true: I've always wanted to go to stores early in the morning to buy things ridiculously cheap. So naturally I was very excited when "J Birdie" (not his real name) and Cristy asked me to join them.

• Our adventure started with us arriving at BestBuy at 2:30 (in the morning) in order to secure a good spot in line for the store's 5am opening. Our goal was to be able to secure a laptop of which the store had limited quantities.However, a few hundred crafty (and very intense) people beat us to the punch. Even though we were almost three hours early, we apparently weren't early enough. J Birdie befriended a gentleman who resembled T-Pain, except we couldn't understand him because of the gold plates on the front of his teeth.
• We left after J Birdie got a voucher for a computer and got something to eat at Whataburger (lobby open 24hrs). By the time we got back to BestBuy, the 5am gates of paradise -- I mean doors -- opened. We (well, J Birdie) spent from 5:15-7:00 waiting in line to actually purchase the computer. As an aside, the deals at BB were only good if you were buying something huge like a TV or computer, not for the majority of DVDs and CDs. I was done with the place by 5:15, but of course J Birdie was in line.
• By 7:15, we were out of the store. I'd already taken Cristy to work, so it was J Birdie and I to take on the world -- well, if you count Walmart, Target, Circuit City and the mall as the world.
• After the BestBuy fracas, we headed to a more tamed Target, where the real deals were supposed to be. I grabbed the second season of Monk (at BestBuy for $43.99) for a measly $13.88. Trust me, I was very tempted to get the third season, but I put the temptation on hold, thinking the mall would hold some great deals for me.
• After Target, we crossed the street to the mall. I was told earlier in the week by an Old Navy employee that the sales today would be "crazy good". And yet I was disappointed. I wanted that blazer more than anything but it was one of the only items not on sale. Go figure.
• Got energy drink, which is always a good time for me when i have caffeine.
• I headed to trusty Aeropostale and was pleased. I got a pair of jeans "half-off" for $25 and a T-shirt. Who would normally buy $50 jeans?? Certainly not me. Aeropostale wasn't a steal, but it was a deal nonetheless.
• I grabbed J Birdie and we took a detour through Books a Million on our way to the parking lot. Don't get me wrong, BaM is my favorite hangout and store, but I was mad about their lack of sales. Maybe it was for my own interest that there weren't any books on sale; I wouldn't want to overdraw my checking account.
• Went to Circuit City and left after two minutes. No wonder they're having problems, they don't have anything.
• Went to another Target. I caved in and got the third season of Monk against my better judgment. Luckily, my partner in crime convinced me that I was making a smart investment in purchasing the season now while it's on sale.
• Went to Walmart 1 and we were again disappointed with the lack of great sales (pertaining to our wants).
• After this, I was plum-tickered out but we headed to Walmart 2. Nothing. I was done. We were done.

All in all, it was an event-filled morning. I had a good time hanging out with two of my best friends, but most of all, I got some cool stuff. All for under $50.

A little reminder

I want to remind myself and others who read this about one thing:

God can see the whole picture of our lives. We only see a small part. We are two dimensional in thought -- we see the past and the present. God can see in 3D -- the past, present, and future. When you feel like you keep on fighting the same thing, keep in mind that it all makes sense to Him. I don't know why He chooses to do things this way, but I am trusting Him nonetheless (do I really have a choice otherwise??). As Paul would say, "Be encouraged, brethren."

The Last Lecture

The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch

This book may change the way you view life. The author, a popular professor at Carnegie Mellon University, was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. He was asked to deliver a "last lecture," a speech where professors are asked to deliver their most important wisdom. They're to give the speech as if they were dying. In Pausch's case, he actually was dying.

Throughout the book, he is surprisingly upbeat, yet realistic, about his diagnosis. The most important subject of his lecture was following childhood dreams. Pausch describes a list he wrote as a third grader in which he includes: flying in zero gravity, working for Disney as an Imagineer, and playing for the NFL. Through a NASA experiment and serious persistence, he was able to accomplish the first two, while realizing early that he could not be apart of the NFL for his strength, stature, and athletic prowess (or lack thereof). Through these anecdotes, he exhorts his audience to go after their dreams instead of wasting time being unhappy. At least, that's what I got out of it.

Since one can't help but analyze one's self when reading such a book, I realized that my life is too short to be occupied with small details. As a task-oriented person, often my sense of satisfaction comes only when my to-do list is all crossed out. After reading this book, I think I can take more time to appreciate the process of completing my to-do list. I can take the time to get to know people I work with, rather than just bustling around the office in my own fury. I can enjoy interruptions when I work on something challenging.

I wouldn't want to create a list of things to do before I die, a veritable "bucket list." Instead of accomplishing assigned goals, my goal is to just be pleased with life as it comes. That doesn't mean I won't plan for the future, but that I will not be so dissatisfied when things don't go my way.

The curse, I mean, gift, of loneliness?!

I always hear people talking about how Southeastern is a "bridal college" instead of a "Bible college". Apparently, people feel pressured to get married once they're here. It's true that Christian couples tend to marriage quicker. This added social pressure can make the single folk on campus feel slighted. We may think, "Did you miss giving me my blessing, God??"

Admittedly, my gift of singleness has turned into a curse of loneliness in past months. I had lost sight of what is most important in my life -- God and his will for me -- and focused on what I lacked and most wanted. I struggled through the "dark night of the soul" and was so frustrated for my inability to find a date (let alone find a spouse!). It's been a long process, but I've finally gotten to the point where God is the center of my life and my so-called needs are on the back burner. I trust fully (well, for the most part... I'm working on it though) his will, whether that means I will find someone or not. I'm not in a rush anymore; my sole purpose on this earth is not to be a husband or father, but an exemplar of Christ. I must work on that task first and count what I do have, rather than what I lack.

My biggest concern now is the underlying theme of loneliness that is found quite often in singles. To me, loneliness has seemed like my red-headed stepchild or cockroaches: always around, but not really welcomed. Yet I know that loneliness -- truly being alone, as in having no friends, no family, no self-love -- does not exist in Christians. They have a friend that truly cares for them, even when family or romantic relationships fail. At the risk of sounding cliche, I honestly believe in his neverending presence -- whether I'm single, engaged, married, widowed, divorced, or all of the above. He has asked me, "Did I not say I would never leave nor forsake you?"

One of the reasons why I believe I've been given this propensity for being lonely is because God trusts me to be a messenger of his peace for others who may have a far worse case. I can better empathize with people who are alone, giving me an opportunity to more passionately share his love. He's allowing me to go through these personal deserts in order to better communicate to others about the rest and hydration found in oases. This is an honorable responsibility that I honestly believe I can handle. I mean, I've made it this far.

So in my realization, I know I must go be a friend to the friendless. I can be an instrument of His peace, as Francis of Assisi once said. I know that he is redeeming my past hurts in order to make my life a masterpiece for his glory. He has got my best interests at heart, regardless of how connected I feel to others. What matters is that I'm connected to him.

My Tolkien Tantrum

There is no doubt that J.R.R. Tolkien’s works are elaborate and genius in nature. His books have garnered throngs of admirers and people who are not normally attracted to literature find his books exciting. The movies based on his Lord of the Rings trilogy have engrossed millions of dollars and bring to depiction the intense world of Middle-earth. His eloquent command of languages reveal him as a wordsmith and inspired the development of his fictitious Elvish tongue. In spite of these impressive accolades, Tolkien’s works are not appealing to me, although I am in awe over his talents.
My first reason for dislike is the genre in which he exclusively writes. Stories written as fantasies (or as Tolkien would assert, fairy-stories) seem too unrealistic for me to truly enjoy and “lose myself in the story”. To me, tales are best relatable when they occur in the realm of reality, with humans as main characters, not mythical creatures. Moreover, all of his works take place in the same dwarf-ridden, hobbit-inhabited Middle-earth (I am not even certain where this place is: truly in the middle of earth or in another dimension?). Perhaps I have a dull imagination, but my attention gets lost if I have to constantly remind myself to stay interested.
Even in spite of my distaste for fantasy, I can tolerate it if it is interestingly presented since fairy stories are new to me. For example, C.S. Lewis invents his magical Narnia stories, but they are not complex and inaccessible. The Narnia stories are straightforward and do not involve knowing complicated histories like in those found in Tolkien’s The Book of Lost Tales. The plotlines found in The Hobbit and Rings stories appear to be too complicated (as well as too long) for one who is not used to the fantastic genre. Since I am a novice at fairy-stories, the manner in which Tolkien presents the Middle-earth sagas are too intimidating and boring when compared to the relative ease in which Lewis presents the Narnia chronicles.
My final complaint regarding Tolkien is in his excessive wordiness. The main evidence for his loquacity is found in “On Fairy Stories” with The Tolkien Reader. He utilizes grand verbosity and the audience’s precious time in order to define something as trivial as the delineation of what is truly a fairy story. Chesterton, writing about the many complexities of human suffering – a very important and worthwhile subject -- was much more concise than Tolkien’s lecture on necessitating a dichotomy (non-fairy stories vs. fairy stories) within a genre. Tolkien asserts that the endpoint for fairy stories should be a representation of the Gospel. However noble this appears, it is far-fetched for a spiritual seeker to come to the understanding of God’s grace through stories that do not mention him. Nonetheless, the fact that many people enjoy his books is proof that he is a talented storyteller, albeit a wordy one.
For clarity’s sake, I acknowledge that Tolkien is a talented, ingenious writer. Yet the genre in which he writes, the complexities of his stories, and his extreme affinity for verbosity, are all off-putting to me. Perhaps my literary tastes are immature or unimaginative, but my personality disposition prefers realistic, concise tales.

Redemptive suffering.

Working with hospice and experiencing things in my own life this semester, I've often wondered the favorite life-question: Why does God allow bad things to happen to his followers? I've read books on suffering and they all came to the same conclusion: He allows us to undergo struggles to shape our character and faith with him. I think, "That's nice and good, but I'd much rather God tell me what to do and how to act rather than let me stumble and be humiliated." I have fought with God, almost telling him I didn't want to follow him anymore (yeah, it was that bad, but it shows my lack of faith).

From a casual perspective, people probably couldn't tell anything was wrong with me. Yet there was, and those closest to me knew I wasn't my normal self.

After making it through my valley, I sought help to prevent me from re-entering that place. And then I finally began to trust God again. I would've preferred him to work supernaturally and take away my problem, but he allowed me to humble myself in order to seek help from others. Since that time of initial healing, I've realized that I'm a stronger person for enduring the pain. In this manner, God has redeemed my suffering. I like who, what, where I am. I wouldn't trade it anymore. Where I was before the valley -- when everything was just OK -- is completely different to where I am now -- appreciative of everything about ordinary life.

I was blinded by my own negative thoughts -- I would consider them more like strongholds -- and could not fully love all the blessings around me. For example, I get to go to a school where a core value is to encourage students to be lights unto the world, which is a big personal value. I am studying to be what I believe is my life's greatest purpose. I'm in an amazing internship, where I get to directly influence people's lives. I have a bright future ahead of me in my profession. I have a great family. Great friends. Food to eat. Clothes. Intelligence. Education. And the list goes on.

Through all this, I've also learned what I can do to really prove my faith to God: Not to worry about unfulfilled promises. Faith is believing on things that have not yet come to pass. Or believing in things unseen. When you're in the storm, the valley, the wilderness, whatever, it's hard to imagine redemption. It feels like a dark night of the soul, but our pain isn't lost to Him. He will turn around our pain and turn it into joy and spiritual wealth. He has shown me that the most meaningful things in life are the most worthy of my patience. And I believe it. And I will hold out for those promises.